By Laura McCarthy.
Losing interest in something or someone you love can be like losing a part of yourself. Whether it be a result of depression or simply growing as a person, it can completely disorientate you. Suddenly, you’re lost in a labyrinth when you were certain you knew the way.
Last year, I wrote an article professing my love for roller derby. Everything I said was true, at the time, my devotion so deep and so true that I even tattooed my leg in honour of the sport. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling differently about it. It was incredibly important to me. I got a lot out of it over the years. I had developed an array of skills and pushed myself to compete in a challenging environment. When I came to Southampton with no friends, it allowed me to start making connections. But things changed.
I had suffered an injury which took me out of action for an extended time. On top of this, team dynamics changed and it didn’t feel how it did before. I felt on the outside. The rosy-eyed monster of nostalgia gnawed at me, without care. I was hurt.
It’s easy to get caught in that feeling. To feel upset and angry at yourself, at others, and to desperately cling to the past, hoping against hope that you’ll feel differently tomorrow. Tomorrow, you will feel as you did before.
What can you do when you get stuck?
My first suggestion is that you should allow yourself time away if you need it. Don’t pressure yourself or let others pressure you into spending time and energy on something you don’t have the capacity for. Space is important and, sometimes, a break is all you need to reignite your love. I attend roller derby less now and that’s fine – I’m simply not ready for it at the moment and forcing it will only build resentment.
My second suggestion is that you could approach your interest in a different way. Rather than playing, I have taken to refereeing instead. Importantly, I still love roller skating, even if I don’t feel the same about derby as I did before, so I frequent skateparks more than I attend derby sessions now. If, for example, you fell out of love with drawing, you could try a different medium altogether. Experiment, try something new – speaking of which…
My third suggestion is to find something else that speaks to you. Consider exactly what it was that made you fall in love. For me, I love competitive team sports, socialising, seeing myself progress as an athlete, the niche and unusual nature of the sport – so I looked into alternatives which aligned with those values. After some searching, I found something which piqued my interest. I have been attending korfball sessions for about a month. For me, this was the jigsaw piece which seemed to fit perfectly in the puzzle. It brought back those feelings I missed. If you can’t find something which fills the gap, maybe even consider starting it yourself; for example, if you want to act in plays but can only find musical theatre groups, plan how you could do this yourself.
Finally, know that your feelings are valid and normal. You might not find a solution right away but that doesn’t mean you won’t find one. As we enter autumn, feelings of depression and losing interest in the things we care about can become more of a concern for many of us. Seeing the darkness arrive earlier and the rain which has made itself known this first week of September might already have you in a slump. If you are feeling stuck, remember that you aren’t alone. Healing takes time.
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